What it means to me…

So, I’ve been debating for some time what to write in here for my first post.  Nothing good really came to mind. I mean, there are plenty of things that I could talk about, from my interest in technology and how it developed, to my life in Arizona (spoiler alert: it’s hot).  And these things, among others, will probably end up in here some time, but none of them really had the feeling of “First Post”, if you know what I mean.  If you don’t know what I mean, feel free to ask, or just keep reading, because I’ll probably mention it. After several weeks of debating, I finally decided, last night, on what I feel is good enough to be the first post in my blog, what has the gumption to stand up to the rest of the blog, and what says a lot about me, in and of itself.  Here it is: Recently, I’ve been filling out a lot of job applications and there’s one thing that has changed. In order to be honest on the applications, I’ve had to mark the “I have a disability,” box. True, this is a voluntary disclosure, and I don’t have to fill it out, but I am a very honest person, so I do. Some people may see my and ask, “What disability do you have?” and that is, to me, an acceptable question.  I mean, my disability isn’t obvious. From all appearances, I’m an overweight 6’7″ white male with who has long hair and glasses.  But, because it’s the main point of this post, I’ll tell you that I have been diagnosed with Major Depression. I’m not gonna lie, the fact that this is officially a disability make me exceedingly happy, and also frustrated. In my past, I did a lot of work with NAMI, even helping to setup a student group of NAMI at Iowa State University. This is the reason that it makes me happy.  The frustration comes because marking the “I have a disability,” box injures my pride, and I don’t know why. Major Depression is an interesting animal.  A lot of people think that it means that you’re just sad all of the time.  This is entirely not the case, at least not for most people. I recently came across a wonderful screenshot image on Facebook that describes it almost perfectly for me.  Here it is: (pardon the language at the end) depressionThis has been me most of my life. Until the official diagnosis, I didn’t realize that so much of what I was feeling, all of the junk that was sometimes inexplicable, was being caused by depression. Heck, even I thought that depression was just sadness, and the rest was just, well, inexplicable. I refused to even try for a diagnosis or take any medication, because I didn’t think I was depressed all of the time.  Now I’ve come to realize that so many of the “little” inexplicable things were just different parts of depression. Nowadays, thanks to the official medical diagnosis and the medication that comes with it, my depression is more easily handled, quieter if you will.  There are, of course, some bad days, but most days are good, or at least bearable. So, now you know a little bit more about me.  Have fun, and keep reading!

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