One year ago, I posted about depression, how it changes things for me, and that kind of stuff. Today, I’m in the middle of a mental breakdown that happened over the weekend, and I get a wonderful email from Twitter telling me about someone posting about an interaction they had with me on the 17th. I don’t blame twitter, because it was doing what it’s automated stuff does. So, me being the glutton for punishment that I am, and already feeling worthless, decided to go looking at what’s going on. Here it is (with name removed) As it’s from twitter, make sure you read from the bottom up. Now, the majority is just this person whining, which is par for the course. Some of what they say is true, in that the furry fandom has both its “good” people and its “bad” people. I do have something to say to two parts of this, though.

Part 1

So, here’s what happened.  I was at a memorial party for a friend.  This person was there also.  I spent the majority of the gathering away from this person, as a memorial gathering is not a place for drama.  The event went on, and I paid him very little mind, simply staying away while we both engaged in activities at the gathering.  Time went on, we had the big gathering with an open bar of which I partook, food, and cherished memories being shared.  As the event was winding down, another mutual friend came over to me and we talked for a bit. We then decided to get another drink and went to the bar. As we were walking away from the bar, the person stepped directly in our way and started talking to the friend I was walking with. I started getting warm, and my anxiety started kicking in, so before I had a full out panic attack, I excused myself to go to the other side of the room. As I started walking away, this person stepped in front of me, right in my path and said “Hey, can we talk?” I must have rolled a nat 20 will save, because I neither punched him in the face nor had a full out panic attack. Instead, I sidestepped him and said “No.”  Then, again, he stepped in my way and said, “Well, when?”  Another nat 20 will save, and I side stepped again, pushing past and not stopping as I said, “Maybe eventually.” I walked over to the other side of the room.
So…cornering me as I’m trying to walk with my friend and then again as I’m trying to walk away is giving me a chance to be a reasonable adult.  That doesn’t seem to match up… And then me politely excusing myself while trying to not have a panic attack is abject immaturity and rudeness.  Well, I can’t say that I wasn’t somewhat rude, but I met the rudeness that he gave me in kind, so I don’t care about that.
As for my fate being sealed…well, I’m not sure exactly to what he is referring, but my fates have been sealed for a while.  

Part 2

Section 1) You treat others like garbage, you get treated like it.
Section 2) In all honesty, I am anything but self entitled.  I struggle through everything that I do, and I work very hard to get what little I have.  A good portion of my struggle is against my own mind that is constantly telling me that I’m worthless and should just go die.
Section 3) So, here’s what happened. March 2016, I lost my job. I was living in Arizona.  Thankfully, I had enough money saved up to get by and pay rent until the end of my lease.  This person posted about their roommate moving out, and I jokingly asked if they needed another roommate. This person said no, which I expected and didn’t mind at all, because it was a joking ask anyway.  At the beginning of June 2016 this person and his boyfriend (now fiance) came down to visit me. I spent some money that I shouldn’t have on entertainment and transportation. During this visit, said person said, “Hey, Dave. We want to invite you to move up with us.”  “Are you sure, because you expressed differently on Twitter?” “Yes, come move up with us. I’ll even help you find a job.” and then he helped me fill out job applications and stuff like that. As the move then went into the planning stages, I reminded him that I was out of money and he said he’d pay for the move. At no point did I even try to guilt this person into doing things for me. I joked about it once, then confirmed intent when it was offered. I also let him know that he could have changed his mind at any point before the move happened.

So I moved up to Wisconsin, leaving several things behind that I somewhat regret now, got a job and a vehicle, suffered through threats of violence and death against my cats and myself, had an accident that totaled my vehicle, got a new vehicle and suffered through more threats and degradation.  Honestly, it felt a lot like when a previous roommate was off of his bipolar meds, especially when, within a week, I heard both “We want you to be here and living with us,” and “You need to move out.”

Long story short, I’m still trying to figure out if these are outright lies or just misconstrued facts.  I should never have moved to Wisconsin. I should have stayed in AZ.  Honestly, the only truly good thing about me moving up here is that I’m closer to my mom.

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